Changes

It is late October, and nothing has changed. Ted is still here, remodeling. My hair has not grown an inch in two years, and my belly flab after months of yoga and pilates, remains. Bryan, Charlie and I are happy and we love our life. The Tuesday tennis lessons Bryan and I take are bringing much joy to our instructor Martin who was in awe of our volleying this last week. He said in his Danish accent, " Remember Kara, when I first asked you to volley together and you said.., "This is Bullshit!", then he laughed and said.. "Now it's fun!". I couldn't believe it, and asked him "Did I really say that" and he said " Oh yess". Of course that was only four weeks ago.

The Real Estate market is still a mess yet I have a sweet and smart couple that I am helping find their first home. It is nice after a brutal summer of working too hard for the wrong people. The lesson is there, and I needed it. I needed to learn how to say no and trust myself. I turned 39 and was hoping I would wake up the next day on fire and start accomplishing all of my lost hopes and dreams before I turn 40. Nothing has changed; I am still overbooked and my soul undernourished, I am still awestruck at my beautiful life, yet wish I could accomplish more personally. I still wish time would slow down, but it won't. Life's clock won't let me have the years back and see Charlie grow up again, so I better stop and figure out if I am going to keep running my clock away or if I am going to stand up and say, "Bullshit!" and then start having some fun.

Why what you think matters, doesn't.

Anything that you think about doesn't matter, really. Thoughts are at best an escape, a fantasy and at worst; useless, time consuming, empty and destructive. Thoughts are not reality, and I can prove it. What are you thinking about right now? It doesn't really matter.

At the end of the day, your actions matter, they count. Nobody ever knows what you think, and nobody really cares. We waste an unbelievable amount of energy worrying, analyzing, storytelling in our minds when our minds could be creating, growing and working. At the end of the day, what have you done, what have you said, what promises have you made, and what promises have you kept?

What if you thought less and did more and pursued more and kissed more and wrote more and laughed more and tried more; what if you quieted your thoughts and noticed more? What if you shut off the part of your mind that never stops talking and judging and what if you did what felt right, what feels good? At the end of the day, why does it matter what anyone thinks of what you think they think of you? At the end of the day, you should simply feel and be... love and loved.