It is well past time to remodel, but this simple kitchen update is spreading to all corners of our home, which is wonderful except for the fact that we really hired a handyman, not a contractor to do this. Ted is wonderful, smart, methodic and perfect for fixing things.. not rebuilding half your home. So here we are, a month into it and not near the middle or the end.

I am not sure if it is the dust, the nails, the unkempt rearranged furniture shoved into corners, or simply this summer of work related anxiety that has made me feel slightly depressed about things. As a rule, I habitually clean and organize our closets and home to the point that my cleaning lady (Tatyana) oohs and aaahs when she sees my handiwork; everything organized momentarily in Charlie's room for instance, or occasionally I'll clean out Bryan's drawers, or unclutter our desk area. But lately, I cannot stand anything ancillary, anything cheap, unclean or unecessary.

This change in feeling is unlike me, so I notice it. With Charlie in school I have more time which I impossibly fill with work and commitments. So, here I sit, exhausted; knowing and admitting I cannot do more yet I am not doing what is truly my own pursuit. So I cannot stand to see anything extra laying around, "nothing more please" I seem to say as I throw things away. Nothing more please, as I try to find the space for me.